Kids Make
You Laugh!
 

Funny Things Kids Say: (Grades 1st - 4th)

• "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
• "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
• "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
• "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
• "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
• "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."
• "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
• "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." 
• "One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
• "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
• "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
• "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
• "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'"
• "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
• "Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one."
• "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together."
• "Being single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing."
• "Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime."
• "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."

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Kids on Kissing:

• "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." Girl, age 8
• "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." Boy, age 10
• "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." Girl, age 9
• "You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." Boy, age 7
• "If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." Boy, age 6
• "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." Girl, age 10
• "I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." Girl, age 8
• "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Boy, age 7
• "The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." Boy, age 8
• (on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!"  Boy, age 6

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Kid's Perspective on Romance, Love, & Marriage:

• "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." Boy, age 8
• "They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Boy, age 10
• "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Boy, age 8
• "Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." Girl, age 9
• "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." Girl, age 9
• "See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." Boy, age 9
• "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Boy, age 6
• "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Boy, age 8
• "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Boy, age 10
• "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
  Girl, age 10
  
  
  Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:
  
  "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." Girl, age 6
  "Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Girl, age 9
  "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." Boy, age 8
  "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Boy, age 9
  "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." Boy, age 9
   

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                           Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?

                    These are answers taken from fifth Grade Science tests.

"One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."

"You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."

"Talc is found on rocks and on babies."

"Isn't inertia when something is moving, then it stops moving and keeps moving?"

"The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down."

"When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions."

"When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting."

"Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand."

"While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating."

"Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction."

"South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage."

"Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south."

"A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go."

"There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever."

"There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days."

"Lime is a green-tasting rock."

"Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil."

"Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't why you should."

"Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there."

"Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother."

"Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers."

"We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on."

"To most people, solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists, solutions are things that are still all mixed up."

"In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's."

"Clouds are high flying fogs."

"I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing."

"Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do."

"Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does."

"Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water."

"We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe."

"Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail."

"Rain is saved up in cloud banks."

"In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes."

"Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man."

"The wind is like the air, only pushier."

"A blizzard is when it snows sideways."

"A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size."

"A monsoon is a French gentleman."

"Thunder is a rich source of loudness."

"Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound."

"It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places."

"Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime."